Now in This Reality
by Fury me
Summary: Malfoy gets drunk, Harry's caught spying, Hermione loses her temper, while Ron, Ginny, Neville and Luna wander around in a rainforest. You get the idea. Slash, random... stuff, all in the name of an Overheard prompt. Rated for language only.
1. Chapter 1

**AN:** I have no idea how what was meant to be a simple parody spun out of control like this. It was the prompt. And it was also the prompt that made me think I should try my hand at slash. BLAME EVERYTHING ON THE PROMPT.

Post Deathly Hallows. Voldemort's finished, they're all back in Hogwarts to finish their seventh year properly. I've planned it to be roughly four chapters long.

Guess how I came up with the title?

Challenge link: ff. net/topic/44309/16008420/1/

**Disclaimer**: Harry Potter belongs to JKR, and is only allowed out to play with the plotbunny. Oh, and the population of New York City at large.

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**- CHAPTER ONE -**

They were in a pickle.

Not literally.

Literally, they were in a forest.

Ron swore as he tripped over a root. Luna helped Ginny step over it. Behind them, Neville tripped over the same root.

The four stared at each other.

"So," Ginny brushed a fern out of her face, "Where are we?"

Luna shrugged, crouching to the floor and picking the mushrooms there. Ron scowled at everything – the trees, the moss, the rocks, the leaves, the trees... Neville bent down next to Luna. There was a fine mist in the air, making the humidity all that more unbearable.

"I think we're in a rainforest."

"Well, how did we _get_ here?"

They all looked at each other again.

"Anyone?"

* * *

They were in a pickle.

Harry and Hermione were meant to meet up with Ron in the Great Hall, but the two had been late. Harry had left his wand in his other set of robes, and had to run back to the Tower to get it. Hermione was in the library, and... well, self explanatory.

But when the two had gotten to the Hall, Ron wasn't there. He couldn't possibly have run off without them, because there was still food on the table. Untouched.

They shared a worried look. "What really gets me," Harry said slowly, "Is that he isn't even on the Map." He had the aged parchment in his hands, running his finger along it, trying to find Ron's dot.

"What?" Hermione gasped. "How is that possible? Check everyone else. Maybe the Map's become faulty?"

"My dad would never do such shoddy work," Harry sniffed. "Look, you and I are here. The professors are in their staff rooms. Hey, Trelawney's in the Room of Requirement again... and all those Slytherins are huddled in their snake pit. Looks like they're having some sort of party."

"Malfoy's not with them?" Hermione asked, peering at the crowded dots.

"He's just gone to the toilet."

"What? The toilet's labeled?" She looked outraged. "That's an invasion of privacy!"

"It's not... Er. Forget it." Harry changed the topic. "Wait a minute, where's Ginny?"

Hermione followed his finger. "Didn't she say that Neville was going to give her and Luna some Herbology help? They should be in the greenhouse." Silence. "Wait, where's Luna?"

"Where's _Neville_?"

They stared at each other.

"Oh, bugger."

* * *

They were in a pickle.

Crabbe and Goyle were quickly running out of alcohol. They sat in their corner, looking forlornly at the empty bottles.

"Are you serious?" Draco looked at them. "Neither of you knows how to perform a refilling charm?"

"You do." Crabbe said helpfully.

"Yeah, I do," Draco drawled, "But you know me."

"We know you," they echoed.

"What do you want?" Goyle asked, trying not to look miserable. Who knew that doing their homework would help them get smashed? He brightened. "We'll help you do your homework!"

Draco snorted, pushing himself up with one arm. "I don't bloody think so. I like my marks. I'm surprised you're father isn't doing anything about yours."

"He is." Goyle said gloomily.

"He's not allowed any dessert until he does bring his grades up." Crabbe snickered.

Malfoy rolled his eyes. That's how they got their motivation? He rubbed his arm absentmindedly. "No. Homework won't do. I'm supplying you with alcohol, not handing out lollipops."

"Oh, stop being such a tight ass, Draco." Pansy leaned over and pointed her wand at the two boys' drinks. Malfoy grabbed her arm.

"Pansy, be a dear. Fuck off."

"Draco," she smiled sweetly. "Fuck _you_."

He patted her on the head. "Sweetie, you know that I'd rather not. But thanks for the offer."

She giggled (probably drunk), kissed him quickly on the cheek, and walked off. Crabbe and Goyle drank Pansy's kind gesture, while wondering how the two still managed to get along so well, speaking to each other like that.

* * *

"This is ridiculous!" Ron snapped. His knees had dark green patches, marks of his recent falls and tumbles. "Ginny, what are you doing?"

"Luna, can you climb this tree?" Ginny patted the trunk, taking her hand away quickly when the wet bark crumbled.

"Oh yes," she replied, "But it might take a while. You know rainforest canopies are rather thick and high up."

"Oh, no, I didn't," Ron said sarcastically. "It's not like I could've checked by looking up or anything."

Ginny turned to her brother. "You don't have to help, but you really do have to shut up."

"I'd listen to her." Luna said earnestly.

Neville dusted his pants off. "Um, Ron, you weren't even with us in the greenhouse. Why are you here?"

Ron blinked at them. "But I _was_ at the greenhouse!"

They blinked back. "_Why_?"

"Harry and Hermione were taking ages to come eat, so I thought they might've sidetracked to get you guys to come join us." He said.

Neville sat down, but then slid down the moist rock. "What are we going to do?" he fretted. "I haven't passed my apparition test yet!"

"Don't worry. Ron hasn't either. None of _us_ have." Ginny tried reassuring him. "At least we have Hermione working on our case. She's probably got it all figured out already."

* * *

"I have no idea where they might be!" Hermione cried. She threw her papers up in frustration. "How can four people just disappear like that?"

"Magic." Harry said helpfully. He was folding paper planes out of Hermione's papers, feeling all in all rather lazy and unwilling to spend the entire weekend stuffed into the library. It was Hogwarts. They'd all reappear someday and tell exciting tales of dungeons and dragons. And that wasn't anything new, was it?

"Thanks, Harry," Hermione snapped. She stole back her paper plane. Harry wriggled his wand around, and it flew out of her grasp again.

"Maybe we should go to McGonagall?" Harry suggested brightly. The Headmistress would sort this all out fairly quickly, he was sure of it.

"No! Harry, how can you still be so dependant?" Hermione griped. "You're so lazy sometimes."

Harry lounged back. "Hermione!" He complained. "We've just spent the entire week in the library! Can we please not spend the weekend doing the same thing?"

"What do you propose then? Just wait until they show up again?"

He hadn't thought it was that bad an idea at first, but listening to her scathing interpretation of his formerly brilliant idea made it seem not so brilliant anymore. Then he came up with an idea.

"Hey! What if it's just a trick?"

"What do you mean?"

"What if it's just some Slytherins, playing a nasty trick on Ron and Neville, and Ginny and Luna just happened to get caught up in it?" he looked excited at the idea.

Hermione frowned. "It's possible, but why would they target them? Not you or me?"

Harry waved it off. "We're harder to target, I dunno."

"Even if it is them," Hermione continued to reason, "Why would they?"

After the events of the past year, rivalries within the school had settled down quite a lot. Everyone was still subdued by what differences and prejudice had done to the wizarding world, and Hogwarts had been changed. Inter-house relationships strengthened immensely, and tensions between them lessened. The most noticeable change was probably that of Slytherin and Gryffindor. The two houses could now not only been seen helping each other in the library, but also relaxing out on the grounds together. Certainly, there was a whole lot more _problems_ between the two to figure out than that with Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff, but the changes were drastic.

"What are you planning to do?" she continued. "Go to McGonagall and say the Slytherin's have abducted four students?"

"No," Harry said impatiently, "I'm going to sneak into the Slytherin common room and eavesdrop, maybe interrogate some of them."

She raised an eyebrow. "How exactly does that achieve besides getting five students abducted?"

"It's a great plan!" Harry objected. "In fact, I'll go now. You stay here, or go back to our common room if it gets too late and I'll report back later. You can't come," he added as Hermione opened her mouth, "Because I need to know that someone will report me if I _do_ go missing."

Hermione bit her lip. "Okay, I'll wait for you in the common room."

But Harry had already disappeared around the bookshelf, and she could hear his footsteps picking up to a run.

"No running in the library!" Madame Pince screeched at him.

Hermione started packing up her books. Then she paused. How was Harry planning to get _into_ the common room?

* * *

The music slowly died down, the room slowly emptied. The more sensible people retired first, then the tipsy ones, then people started leaving two or three at a time because they needed help walking across the room. Some didn't leave at all, passing out where their last drinks had taken them down. Malfoy wrinkled his nose. Lightweights.

Pansy waved at them before she left, and Draco lifted his drink up in acknowledgement. Goyle had fallen asleep, and was snoring loudly on Crabbe's shoulder. Crabbe seemed to be the heavier drinker of the two, though not by much, his head nodding drunkenly like a bobble toy.

"Y'know, Draco," he murmured sleepily. "I've been thinking."

This should be interesting, Draco mused. He tilted his head at his crumpled form.

"What did Pansy mean, you know, before?"

"Crabbe, speak up or go to sleep. I can't tell if you're sleep talking or not." The drink was giving him a patience he rarely possessed when lucid.

The boy cleared his throat. "Before, when you told Pansy to... well, you said you'd rather not. What's that mean?"

Draco suppressed a laugh. "What do you think it means?"

"Well, I thought maybe you didn't want to go away, because you were here first so Pansy should be the one to leave."

For a while, he could only stare. The new level of stupidity that had just been revealed to him was... mind boggling. "Crabbe." Draco enunciated slowly, "It means that I am now rather _gay_, and Pansy, being _not male_, does not meet my new requirements for a partner in _sex_."

There was a silence. Draco waited a while for him to gather his marbles. But he seemed to be having a little trouble. He had started gaping, like a fish.

"Joke?" Draco offered. The poor boy's addled brains didn't seem to be working very well.

Crabbe seized it. He laughed, weak with relief. "Oh my God, I thought you were gay!"

"Oh, sometimes I _wish_ I were gay." Draco muttered. He couldn't believe this.

They both laughed. But the ensuing silence was a shade of awkward that made the former uncomfortable.

Crabbe hesitated. "…You were kidding, right?"

Now, usually, Draco would open his mouth to lie, since the latter seemed to be so uncomfortably uncomfortable about the whole thing. Instead, he just grinned, staring him lazily as he lounged over the couch. The other boy turned a funny colour.

"You _are_ gay!" He gasped.

* * *

It was getting late. Around eleven, to be exact. Still no sign of Ron, Ginny, Luna or Neville, and Harry was still in the Slytherin common room.

Hermione had returned from the library quite a while ago, and had since been pacing a line across the common room. But she saw that she was wasting for too much energy doing that, so she sat down instead, with a good book. But she soon discarded it, settling with just nestling deeper into the couch and staring at the fire. Crookshanks butted her hand, and she picked the ginger cat up.

Something was niggling at her mind. Something... she couldn't quite grab. Something that might change a lot of things and yet perhaps if she had better perspective wouldn't change anything at all?

She growled. Crookshanks looked up, looking affronted at the noise. She scratched his ears absentmindedly, still trying to hold onto that thought.

It was something about Harry. Or surrounding him. And the toilet.

Crookshanks prodded Hermione's hand when she stopped scratching, yowling indignantly when he found that she had fallen asleep on the couch.

* * *

"Why do I think that you're having a problem with that?" he demanded.

Crabbe squirmed uncomfortably. "I don't! I really don't." he lied.

Trying to hide his widening grin, Draco drew himself over the couch, somehow making the transition of sliding over the armrest end smoothly. "What?" He breathed, "Does it make you uncomfortable? Do you think that I imagine undressing you when we're alone? Like right _now_?"

The colour became more pronounced. It looked green. But then the light would shift, and he would go yellow. "Er, no." he burbled.

"Hey, that's right! Since you know about me now, and we are alone, let's act out my fantasy. And it wouldn't be gay because we wouldn't tell anyone!" Draco continued happily.

He was definitely green. "No!"

"But it's my birthday!" He protested, drawing a hand over his chest.

"No, it isn't!" Crabbe shot out of the chair, and raced to the door. "I'm sorry, Draco!" He cried as he fled, "But I just wanted to be friends!"

Draco collapsed, cackling madly. That blubbering idiot really thought that he'd sink low enough to want to shag _him_? What a joke. Though his expression had been priceless. Completely worth it… A strange noise caught his attention. Snapping his head around, Draco scanned the room. There. One of the drapes was fluttering about. Draco drew his wand, and aimed carefully. Amazingly, and despite the copious amount of alcohol he had just consumed, it held rather steady.

"_Petrificus totalus_." He whispered.

There was a muffled _humph_ sound, before someone fell to the floor. Draco climbed over the back of the couch, his eyes widening as he identified the intruder.

"What's this?" He was delighted. "How long have you been there?"

His prisoner didn't reply. Couldn't.

"Oh. Sorry. _Finite incantatum_."

"Now that's just mean." Harry wriggled his fingers, getting the feeling back in them.

Draco waggled his wand at him. "Never sneak up on a Slytherin like that. Especially when they have your wand." He produced the holly wand from behind his back. Like magic.

Harry stared at him suspiciously, as if weighing the chances that he would use it against him. He was drunk, after all.

"Pretty," the Slytherin crooned.

"Give it back," Harry said warily.

Draco rolled his eyes up to look at him. "Or what?"

* * *

"God, I'm tired." Ron moaned.

"Do you want me to punch you in the head or something?" Ginny offered.

"Stop being so snippy, I'm just saying I'm tired." He complained.

"Well, you can walk with us, or you can just lie down and die." She snapped back.

He crashed loudly through the underbrush, breaking and plowing through everything in his path. Anything too thick for him to plow through, he tripped over. Neville wasn't any more graceful, though he was making an effort to not step on anything he didn't have to. Luna flitted ahead like a wood nymph on crack. She'd appear every now and again, so suddenly Neville would jump every time she reappeared.

"Can't we just stop for a _little_ while?" Ron persisted.

"Fine, _fine_. Sit here, shut up. I'm going over there to see how much farther we have to walk."

They sat, and a rather disturbing silence settled over them. Luna flashed back, and Neville jumped. Then, even though they had done as he asked, Ron started complaining again.

"Now we have to think about something to talk about."

"If I have a little girl, I want her to either have the highest moral standards or be ugly as hell." Luna said promptly.

Ron looked like he was about to call her Loony. "Where the hell did that come from?"

She shrugged happily. "You wanted something to talk about, I had something I wanted to get out."

He rolled his eyes. "You're going to be a horrible mother. I can just see it."

"I think Hermione's going to be a bad mother." Luna mused.

Neville looked horrified at their conversation. She patted his knee. "Oh, not like that. I mean that she might have some conflicts of interest with them. During the adolescent stage, mostly."

Ron snorted. "I know exactly what you mean! On her kid's eighteenth birthday, she'd throw them a party at the library, make them watch documentaries and sip mineral water. _Welcome to the library, where your wildest dreams come true!_"

"Mother from hell." Luna agreed.

"The very depths of it." Ron toasted her, holding an imaginary wine glass.

Luna made a drinking action. Ron stared. She sighed happily. "Terrible impersonation though."


	2. Chapter 2

**AN:** Why is Ron so easy to... bash? Sigh. Poor fellah.

**Disclaimer**: Harry Potter belongs to JKR, and is only allowed out to play with the plotbunny. Oh, and the population of New York City at large.

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**- CHAPTER TWO -**

"And so I said to him, I said – _hic _– why don't you just stick your hand in there, and tell me what it's like?"

Draco listened breathlessly. "Yes? And then?"

"He actually did it!"

The blonde crowed, lying back and letting the laughter reach the ceiling. Then, a small silence, as they paused to drink. Draco shook his bottle. "I'm out."

"Awready?" Harry hiccupped. "Have some of mine." He reached out with his bottle, trying to pour it into the other, but started tipping too soon and the alcohol gushed over Draco's hands, staining his shirt and pooling in his lap. He yelped.

"You-!" He spluttered, trying to brush the liquid away. "You clumsy, retarded... codface!"

Harry's apologetic face wrestled with his laughter. But some of it escaped. "Codface?" He reached over, patting Malfoy's shirt with a tablecloth. A giggle escaped at the sight of his outraged expression.

"I'd rather you not." He sniffed, brushing his hand away. "_Scourgify_."

"Ah, yes, magic." Harry sighed. Then he rolled over on the couch, gazing up at Malfoy. "Did you put a jinx on Ron, Ginny, Luna and Neville?"

Malfoy stared. "And what on earth would make me want to waste my time on something like _that_? Not that the thought isn't without merit, mind you."

Harry sighed happily, and rolled back onto his back. "Knew it wasn't you. Cheers."

"I'm empty." He reminded him.

"Refill?" Harry offered.

"No," Draco spoke to the ceiling, but he spoke with determination. "I'm bored. You can only drink so much and still enjoy it."

"Um," Harry blinked. "Um." Malfoy wasn't... making sense.

Draco grinned, sliding down to lie on his back too. "Entertain me."

"And how am I supposed to do that?" Harry argued.

"Use your imagination."

Harry stared at him for a minute. The bottle was feeling heavy in his hand, so he downed that and threw it away. When he turned back, Malfoy was still waiting for him, looking expectant. He frowned. "How am I supposed to do that?"

Malfoy made an annoyed sound. "Potter, you are such a prune!" He paused. "Prune? Prude! That's the one."

"Am not!" he said hotly.

"Prove it." Malfoy smirked.

He expected Potter to blush and ask How? He expected him to fumble and mumble. He expected him to eventually stalk out, perhaps pass out sometime between the Slytherin and Gryffindor common rooms.

He did not expect The Chosen One to climb on top of him, pin him to the couch before leaning down to press a very hard kiss onto his lips.

* * *

As night fell, a wonderful change fell over Luna. Namely, she started singing.

"And here comes the night! When the stars shine bright!" She sang, weaving flowers into Neville's hair. When they wouldn't stay, she took out her wand and stuck them on. Neville laughed nervously, patting his head to make sure it was all right.

"Stop singing! This isn't a musical!" Ron snapped. He was feeling rather sweaty and his stomach was having thoughts of dinner. And dessert. And midnight snacks. Some warm clothes and a cup of hot chocolate with marshmallows.

"You're so gloomy, Ronald, I thought that singing might cheer you up." Luna explained. Another tap of her wand and the flowers glowed. Neville's laughter shot up another octave.

"Yeah, _Ronald_," Ginny grinned, shooting down the flowers with her wand, "How about you stop complaining like a nice little boy before someone hexes your mouth shut?" Neville squeaked as the flowers whizzed around his face.

Unperturbed by Ginny, Luna continued her song, and her flower weaving. "And the room for danger is wide, as we march on to the dark side!"

"So far, I've experienced coldness and evil. I think it's safe to say that I'm already on the dark side." Ron muttered. He really wanted that hot chocolate.

Luna stood back to admire her handiwork. Neville giggled worriedly, a fluorescent halo of flowers glowing around his head.

* * *

It would take another three days for another question to occur to him. Crabbe would be watching Malfoy go about his work with the usual finesse in Potions, when the question would occur. He would then wait till after the class to catch up to Pansy.

"If Draco isn't getting any from you, then who is he getting it from?" He would puff.

She would raise an eyebrow. "This, Crabbe, is why you don't have a girlfriend." She would explain simply, and would tap a finger on his chest.

Crabbe would twitch uncomfortably, the ghost of Malfoy's fingers would echo there. "Was that an insult?"

"No, I suppose not." Pansy would sigh. She would then dump her book bag on his, and Crabbe would pad after her obediently to their next class.

* * *

"Harry? Where were you last night?"

That voice was familiar. But still. Sleep.

"Harry?"

"Geroff," he muttered, pulling the pillow back over his head.

"Harry?" Hermione persisted. "Are you okay?"

"HERMIONE!" He snapped, sitting up. Then grabbed her shoulder, steadying himself as the blood rushed downwards. "Ugh."

Suddenly she sniffed him. "Were you _drinking_?" she sounded appalled.

Harry looked confused, then brightened. "Oh, yeah I was."

She squinted at him a bit more. "Why are you so happy about it?"

He squinted back. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

Hermione backpedaled. Because, Harry had been drinking in _Hogwarts_. Who'd have alcohol in _Hogwarts_? "Harry..." she asked slowly.

But he was looking for his glasses. "Mmm?"

"Where were you last night?"

He flipped the covers, apparently still looking for his glasses. Hermione glanced at his bedside table, where they sat, immobile. "Harry." The steel in her voice made him look up, like a child having been caught with their hand in the cookie jar.

"Where did you get the alcohol?"

"Er. Well, you know how we were trying to figure out where Ron and them are?"

"You got drunk in the Slytherin common room!" She yelped.

Harry drew up his covers, as if they might act as a shield. "What? What? Why do you automatically think that?"

"I'm not stupid Harry!" She shouted at him. "Who gave it to you?"

"You're not my mother," he muttered sullenly. Her shrill voice was bringing a massive headache to his attention.

"Answer the question, or I'll tell Madam Pomfrey." She threatened.

He gaped at her. "Hermione!"

"I swear I'll do it!"

"...Malfoy." He scowled. He looked around. "Get out Hermione, I need to get dressed." He looked up when she didn't move. "What?" he said irritably. "Going to tell Pomfrey I don't sleep in pajamas?"

Something about her face made him stop. "What?" he repeated.

"You went to bed, drunk, but managed to take your clothes off before you passed out?" she said slowly.

"Well, I'm not a baby anymore, I think I can manage taking my clothes off without help." Harry hedged.

But she wasn't dissuaded so easily. Harry watched, mortified, as her eyes grew progressively larger.

"You _slept_ with _Malfoy_!" She screeched.

"No!" He protested. "I don't remember anything!" Fuck this. Hermione was way too smart for her own good.

Hermione pointed at his neck. Harry scrabbled at it, before she handed him a mirror. It was red, it was round, and it was unmistakably a...

Harry decided to give it one last shot. "It's a rash?"

* * *

"Why did you do it?" Pansy moaned.

Draco's blush was faint, but not in an oh-crap-this-is-embarrassing way. Instead, it was a pinkish hue that made him look rather pleased with himself. "Well, we were a bit tipsy."

Pansy choked. Draco? Tipsy?

He rubbed a hand through his hair, and sighed dreamily. "He was really comfortable to be around, you know? Then, I called him a prune, and he got angry, and he wanted to prove that he wasn't a prune, so he jumped me."

"He jumped you." Pansy repeated flatly. "And you just let him?"

"Well, when I looked into those eyes, I... I just... melted. I melted. It's a pretty great feeling, being chosen by The Chosen One." He grinned at his genius wordplay.

She slapped him.

Draco reeled backwards, looking outraged that such a lovely ending to such a lovely story would be received with such _violence_. It was outrageous!

"Why must you hurt me when I've shown you nothing but love?" he whined.

"Because my heart is filled with hate and yours is filled with kittens." She snapped back, sarcasm dripping from her voice. "Your _love_ sickens me. Get sane, right now." Of all the days he could've decided to get drunk like the rest of them. Why, of all people, was it with Harry fucking _Potter_?

"Or what?" he said stoutly.

She jabbed him with her wand, burning him with the sparks that flew out the tip. "You're pathetic."

"That's a horrible thing to say… But he was right." He added, almost as an afterthought.

"Who? Potter?" For the first time, Pansy looked more surprised than angry. "About what?"

He grinned. "Girls are fun to tease."

"If you want to die, sure." She let out a loud growl. "Not only does he _sleep_ with you, he makes you _annoying_."

He blushed that pleased shade of pink again, and shushed her. "Don't say it so casually."

She raised an eyebrow. "Darling, you've slept with him. I don't think you can sink any lower than that."

Malfoy widened his eyes reproachfully. "You're discriminating against me, because I'm gay!" he cried dramatically.

Rolling her eyes, she marched towards the door. "No, I'm not. Just _this_ gay. Though I have to say it's nice to see that even _you_ have your alcohol limit. Come down when you've stopped being drunk."

Pansy muttered to herself as she walked up the stairs. "Potter got horny because he was called a _prune_?"

* * *

It had started raining, and Ginny had transfigured some leaves into crude sheets of plastic and fashioned a tent of sorts. They huddled together, miserable in the tight space. Morale, Neville thought, was low. Except for Luna's, he mused, watching her happily recite the list of Magical Creature Rights that her father was planning to publish in the next issue of the Quibbler. The problem was stripping Ron of the only shoes he had on him to show her his support of her ideals.

"So you see, animals have just as many rights as we do." Luna finished saying earnestly.

"I'm wearing leather boots. Do I look like I give a shit about animal rights?" Ron snapped.

"They're gonna get you. They're gonna come in the night while you sleep. I had a distant uncle who'd been trampled by a cow. He was in the _tanning_ business." She said in hushed tones.

"Oh. Oh look, I'm shaking in my _leather boots_!"

Ginny bent over, peering at Ron's boots. "Ron... why are you wearing leather boots in the first place?"

He blushed. "Er, it was a present from Hermione."

She raised an eyebrow. "Oh really?"

"Hermione has fashion sense," Ginny scoffed, "She would never commit such a monstrosity."

"Hermione was the founder of S.P.E.W," Luna added matter-of-factly, "She would never support such barbarism."

"Hermione chops up more animals than we all do!" Ron snapped.

"Cease your blasphemy at once!" Luna cried, leaping up and pointing an accusing finger at him.

Neville tugged at her arm to get her to sit down again. "What are you talking about, Ron?"

"Potions." He said sulkily.

* * *

Harry was bewildered. He looked around him. His brain tried to gather facts, but there was only one thing he was absolutely sure of.

He was in a bed.

Then he was aware of someone else, between the white sheets with him. He turned around, glimpsing blonde hair as its owner snuggled in to him a little closer. The movement made their skin glide together, and made Harry very aware that they were both rather naked.

"Malfoy?" He asked groggily.

There was an answering 'mhhmmm'. Harry prodded his shoulder. "Malfoy!"

The irritated blonde slapped at his hand. "Go away."

"You're holding onto me." Harry said drily.

Draco groaned, and pushed him away, using the other arm to hog the covers. Harry tugged them back. Malfoy rolled to face him, grey eyes sleepy but very annoyed. "I'm not done sleeping. You are making me _cold_."

"Sharing is caring."

"Then stop squirming!" He snapped, pulling Harry closer once again, bringing the blankets with him.

There was a minute of peace. It had been three days since the big Slytherin party. Since then, the unlikely two had gotten together… _frequently_. Ron, Ginny, Luna and Neville's disappearance seemed to have only taken a toll on Hermione more than Harry, since the latter had certain, more _pressing_ matters closer to home that needed handling. Presently, Harry wasn't thinking about much, except the fact that he felt extremely warm, what with Draco's body and the downy emerald bedcovers, and -

_Emerald _bedcovers?

He almost leapt out of the bed, jerking Malfoy rudely out of his comfortable stupor. "You _idiot_!"

"_What_?" Malfoy snapped, ferociously yanking the blankets back, almost tripping Harry in the process. "I swear to god Potter, I'm not ever sleeping with you ever again."

"We're in _Slytherin_ dorms!" Harry shouted. "I could've been photographed _naked_! And _you're_ the one who keeps trying to get me drunk!" he added petulantly.

"I said sleep, not fuck," Draco explained calmly, gathering up his blankets. "And photos might not be that bad. I'd buy some."

"You'd probably be the one to order them taken in the first place." Harry sniffed.

"Now, why would I do that? It'd be like trying to blackmail myself."

Harry quirked a brow, not understanding. Draco sighed impatiently.

"I'd be in the picture too, wouldn't I? As your, ah, friend." He patted the bedspace next to him, smirking suggestively.

Harry scowled, folding his arms. "We're not _friends_ for ten minutes."

"And after that?" Draco grinned, rolling over in the bed.

He pursed his lips, his eyes sliding over the blonde's body. "Give me ten minutes."


	3. Chapter 3

**AN:** Hahaha. After how many months? I have decided to finish this. It would be almost shameful not to. this was even a completed chapter, and I still didn't manage to post it. How pathetic is that? Good news is the fourth and last chapter is already completed so it should, _should_ be up in a week from now. I really have no (current) excuse as to why it should not be. Anyway...

**Disclaimer**: Not mine, not mine. Notnot mine, notnotmine.

* * *

**- CHAPTER THREE -**

Hermione found herself with a moral dilemma.

"I have a moral dilemma."

Blaise raised his head from his folded arms. "Does it involve alcohol?"

"No."

"Does it _require_ alcohol?"

She gave him a funny look. "You and I are having two totally different conversations."

Blaise sighed, putting his head back down. "Okay, fine. What did you want to talk about? Though I have to tell you I've lost all interest already."

She bit her lip, ignoring his jibes.

The two sat in the library, studying together. She couldn't remember exactly how it happened. After him helping her with a Charms problem, and her helping him with a transfiguration problem, they had suddenly become study buddies whenever they met in the library. After the customary insults of course. And that was back in third year. Since then... well. They'd become _affiliates_, of sorts.

At that present moment, the two weren't getting much work done, Blaise being sleepy and Hermione having something other than schoolwork on her mind.

"If you had a secret, a very best friend's secret, would you tell it to someone who you knew might be able to help out?"

"Granger. I am a _Slytherin_. I'd tell for the fun of it. Let's try not to forget these little details." His voice was muffled by his arm.

She looked stressed. "Unless, you know about it?" Blaise was close to Malfoy, right?

"About what?" He_ knew_ that this wasn't going to be interesting.

"About… you know."

"Granger, unless you bribe me with a large amount of gold or alcohol _right now_, I'm going to go to sleep."

She slammed her hand against the table. He jolted at the loud noise. "Okay, okay! Well, it's about... Malfoy. And Harry." She concluded in hushed tones.

He blinked at her, and then barked a laugh. "You mean how they're fuck buddies? That's no secret. Is that what you call a secret?"

Her mouth opened to a little surprised _O_. "It's _not_ a secret?"

He rolled his eyes, then made to sleep again. "Honestly, _Gryffindors_. If you paid a little less attention your heads would fall off. Or are you all just too embarrassed to kiss and tell?" he smirked.

Hermione opened her mouth, and then closed it again. "I want you to get Malfoy to stop playing around with Harry." She said in a rush.

He blinked at her again. Then he smirked. "Why ever would I want to do that? They love each other oh so _very_ much."

"Don't play around with me!" She snapped. "Harry is going to get hurt when Malfoy gets over this."

"See, there's your problem, Granger. What makes you think Malfoy's the one that's playing around?" He paused. "Wait. Are you telling me Potter's... He's..." He choked on the word, and sufficed with staring at her in disbelief.

"Of course he is." She scoffed. "Harry's always been like this. Gets attached for too easily. Which is why _Malfoy_ has to stop this."

"In that case," he said cheerfully, "_You_ go break them up! Seduce Malfoy. If he's only playing with Potter then he should go along with it, no problem. Unless!" He wagged a finger at her. "He suspects you of foul play."

"I can't do that!" she looked aghast at the idea. "That's... even if it's _Malfoy_, that's totally... No! Besides, he won't have enough time to stop calling me Mudblood for me to do anything like that."

He waved a hand dismissively. "Oh, you and your rules. Granger, Malfoy is shagging _Potter_. I'm pretty sure he doesn't really care what kind of blood is behind that piece of tail."

Hermione bristled. "Last time you told me something was overrated I got _pregnant_."

"If you didn't have me, you'd be a nun." He sniffed. "And you didn't get pregnant. It was just a false reading. Honestly, you treasure your libido more than the rest of Hogwarts combined."

"Thank you for understanding why that's important." Her sarcasm was suffocating. He'd always admired the way she could pull that off. Though it wasn't quite as admirable when he was the one being suffocated.

"Oh, so now I'm the bad guy? Let's talk about you and your irrational pregnancy!"

"Okay!" she shouted back, "It was your fault! Got anything more to add?"

"I think," He declared, "You have a mental problem. It's a very rare condition in sentient creatures, very hard to cure. And I think there's only one option… suicide."

Hermione scowled.

* * *

"You know," Harry mused, "Why is it every time we get together it's always because we're drunk off our faces?"

Draco's head was lost somewhere in the pillows, and Harry received only an unsatisfactory 'hrpmh' as a response. Harry frowned.

"Seriously," he insisted, "Why is that?"

The pillow whizzed at his head without warning. "How can you talk so much? It's been what, three hours? Can't you _shut up_?"

"It was a simple question," Harry said, hurt. "Why are you sniping?"

"Because you constantly just talk and talk and _talk!_"

Anger was tugging the hurt away. "I was just pointing out that maybe we could do without the alcohol -"

"Then go find yourself a girlfriend and take her to Madame Puddifoot's or some shit. Fuck buddies don't date."

Harry shuddered, recalling his own personal experience with Madame Puddifoot's. He was offended that Malfoy thought that he'd willingly cross that threshold again. "I didn't say that I wanted to _date_!"

"Yes you did."

"You're wrong."

"No I'm not!"

Harry sat up in frustration. "Look, I said you're _wrong_." He bit his lip, but his inner child stomped on it, releasing his flapping tongue. "You're wrong and you're ugly! Your sweat stinks and you don't even take a shower, you don't do anything but sleep."

Malfoy perked up at the insults. Slytherins never take very well to that. "Oh, and you're so perfect? I think you find that I sleep longer than you is because you _fall_ asleep first, you amateur. Don't have any stamina at all."

Harry's jaw worked furiously. "At least I'm not in a bad mood all the time!"

"I'm _always_ in a good mood. I'm just ugly, remember?" Draco quoted drily, turning over in the bed. "Shut up and go back to sleep, or leave."

He glared at the irritated Slytherin's back. Pulling robes on, Harry quickly left the Slytherin's room (despite it being rather populated at the time), though his expression stopped the jibes that might've otherwise come his way.

Damn snakes.

* * *

"From now on, you will obey me!"

Ron stood on top of the rock, glowering down at all of them. He's taken it upon himself to 'command' them all, which incidentally involved the other three doing all the manual labour while he racked his glorified brains to come up with an equally ingenious and magical way to get them out of the rainforest.

"He may be acting," Luna turned to Ginny. "But something about the way he said that made me want to hit him."

"With a Beater's bat." Ginny agreed.

"Or we could use this." She offered, hoisting a broken branch.

Neville hurried to push it down. "Are you sure? We might have to carry him. And he'll be in a worse mood if you do."

Ginny sighed. "Maybe we should just hex him again."

Jumping down from the rock, Ron pretended to march around them in a circle. "Longbottom, you're my right hand man. Fetch firewood. Lovegood, straighten that tie. Start collecting rocks - we need a circle around the fire. Weasley, wipe that scowl from your face. We need a camping site for tonight, and we need it fast!"

"Ron's talking funny." Neville whispered, his arms full of spindly twigs.

"He's been reading dad's Muggle books." Ginny said blithely, using her wand to levitate heavier logs away from the place they were standing. "He's got a thing for adventure stories. Stuck on an island and all that."

"To work!" Ron shouted, hands on hips. Then he crumpled forwards, face landing in the dirt. Neville yelped, looking around wildly for an attacker.

Luna blinked owlishly. "Didn't I just shout for everyone to duck? Why didn't he duck?"

"Neville, be a dear, go pull him somewhere where he isn't in the way." Ginny said without missing a beat.

Neville did as he was told, terrified of the women around him.

* * *

They were in a pickle.

Hermione Granger and Pansy Parkinson stared at each other from across the supplies cupboard.

"Shhh," Hermione whispered.

"Stop whispering!" Pansy snapped.

They pressed their ears to the door. There was the sound of a curse missing its target, and breaking some glass instead.

"What was that for?" Came Harry's angry voice.

"Something that was meant to sew your mouth shut!" Malfoy bit back.

Hermione was surprised. "Did you know they'd been fighting?" The two had been looking for potions supplies, and Pansy had pushed Hermione into the cupboard when sounds of fight had come increasingly closer. They'd just closed the door when Harry and Malfoy burst into the room, faces red (well, Harry's was) and wands drawn.

Pansy shrugged. "Well, when Draco's not insane and looking constantly drugged, he hasn't been shagging Potter. Since he's been normal quite a bit recently, yes I have noticed. I think it makes for a nice change, really."

"What's wrong with talking?" Harry shouted.

"When you want to do it at seven in the fucking morning!" Malfoy shouted back.

Pansy was shocked. "Potter _wakes_ Draco up?"

Hermione quirked an eyebrow at her. "So what?" Not that she'd know.

Realization dawned on her face. "_That's_ why they keep fighting! Why Draco's in a bad mood!" She explained.

"Um," the other girl hesitated, "Care you explain a little more?"

Pansy sighed, the line between her brows saying clearly she didn't want to be having this conversation with this particular person. "Draco's a horrible person in the morning. You should see the common room before breakfast. No one goes near him, no one talks to him. Not until he's had a long, cold shower and a bit of toast. Butter, thicker on the crust." She added.

By the sound of it, the boys had moved on to furniture. The sound of wood splintering crunched through the air.

Hermione waved the last bit off. "No one could actually be in that bad a mood in the morning? Not after… what they've just been doing?" she hedged.

Pansy sighed, contempt colouring her voice. "The word you're looking for is _sex_, Granger. Get used to it. And," she continued, ignoring the Gryffindor's blush, "No one but Draco Malfoy." A smile suddenly sprang onto her face. "I remember once, in sixth year, he'd been woken up by Crabbe when Crabbe didn't know that he had a free period in the morning." The smile widened. "The scars took weeks to heal. I'm surprised Potter hasn't suffered any physical injury."

"_Furnunculus_!"

"_Protego_!"

Hermione made her own noise of disgust. "That's horrible! He was only trying to help!"

Pansy looked at her, as if she was being rather thick. "Can you please, even just _pretend_ you're listening to what I'm saying? Honestly, Gryffindors."

"_Locomotor Mortis_!"

"_Wingardium Leviosa_!"

She tried to keep her patience. "Okay. So you're telling me, the both of them are being absolute infants because Draco's not a morning person?"

"_Flagrate_!"

"Oh – _fuck!_"

The other girl shrugged, reaching for an apple. "That and they probably really care about each other." She pulled a face. "Though that part I'm staying well away from. I can never understand Draco and his weird fetishes."

Hermione's eyebrows were getting tired of arching. And where did that apple come from? "What other weird fetishes does he have?"

"Oh, yeah, like I'd spill to you." Pansy got up. "Anyway. Problem solved. Let's never do this again."

"Wait!" Hermione stood up too, "We have to get them to make up."

Sounds of violence continued.

Pansy scowled. "Not. My. Problem. I don't have the time or patience anymore. You have NEWTS to study for too, why are you even bothering?"

"Because Harry's my friend," Hermione said loyally, "And I can do something about this problem."

Pansy stared. "Are all of you like this?"

"Who? What?"

"Gryffindors. Bleeding hearts, the lot of you."

Suddenly, a final hex, then loud footsteps and a _bang_.

"MALFOY!" Harry's voice roared. "GET YOUR CHICKEN ASS BACK HERE!"

Hermione frowned. "Are you not going to help Draco, when you can really make him happy if you do?"

Now Pansy looked surprised. "I'm going to go pull Draco out of whichever bar he'll be disappearing off to, maybe hex him a bit, and then forget this ever happened." When Harry's footsteps had faded sufficiently, she opened the door.

"He'll just run right back to the bar," Hermione warned.

Dark eyes flashed. "Granger, listen carefully. Being in Slytherin means you decide _yourself_ how much your own skin is worth. If Draco keeps this mush up for much longer he's going to suffer for it. He won't need _me_ to remind him that he needs to pull himself together."

She pursed her lips, as they stepped out of the supply cupboard. Pansy walked off without another word, and she didn't attempt to hold her back. Hermione was banking on Pansy's friendship with Malfoy. She was banking on, if Pansy saw how badly Malfoy had been affected, that she'd automatically want to help.

All hearts bled, no matter what House they were in.

They wouldn't be alive otherwise.

* * *

Hermione had offered to help Harry with the problems he'd been having in Transfiguration, using it to disguise her ulterior motive.

"So, how're you and Malfoy lately?" she asked, stroking her chair-transformed badger. She was aiming for discreet, but Harry's green eyes narrowed immediately, his spell missing the chair he'd been aiming at all together.

"What do you want?" he asked her flatly, stunning the book that was attempting to run off the shelf.

"What?" she asked defensively. "I just wanted to ask. Seeing as I'm trying to understand you two."

"There's nothing to understand." Harry said in a clipped voice, waving his wand once more. The chair bent over feebly, like it couldn't do more than try to become a four-legged creature.

"Well," she continued doggedly, "If you have any problems I hope you know that I'd be happy to listen. You know how I used to come to you about Ron when -"

"Yeah, and it drove me nuts, so why would I do something like that to you?" he interrupted.

"I don't think of it like that!" Hermione was shocked. "Friends are there to listen and help work through these problems, Harry!"

"Hermione," he snapped, "Don't you think that it's a little coincidental that you ask me about this a day after something's happened? I'm not as smart as you, but I'm not stupid either. You know something, congratulations. Even if it mattered, it's none of your business. Fuck buddies aren't soul mates."

She sat back, frowning. Stupid Malfoy. Stupid Harry. Getting attached to a stupid Slytherin. She _knew_ this was going to happen.

"I just thought," She continued doggedly, "That I might be able to help -"

"How exactly would you be able to help? Aside from with this damn spell that was the reason for this meeting in the first place?" he interrupted her again, heavily sarcastic. His chair was the rough form of a skeletal badger now, though the wooden frame was twitching as if in pain. "Besides, weren't you the one that didn't want us to be seeing each other anyway? Zabini told Malfoy." He added.

She scowled. Stupid, _stupid -_ _Slytherins_! "I'm sorry, okay? I was wrong. You can't break up with him."

Harry glared at her. "Hermione, we're not _dating_. Which part of the two word phrase _fuck buddies_ don't you understand?"

"Then why don't you go back to being... fuck buddies?" She winced at the crude words.

"Because he's violated one of the very basic rules, and now it won't work anymore." Harry said promptly. "He fucked it up, no pun intended."

"That's not a pun." Hermione muttered. "And what rules could there possibly be?"

Harry waved his wand dismissively, and the chair gave a little twitch before sprouting fur. Hermione sighed, taking out her own wand to fix it. Maybe Pansy was making more progress?

* * *

Pansy found Draco in the doorway of the Hog's Head. He was leaning against the wall, talking to an old lady who was doing some kind of slow waltz as they talked, her wand in one hand, firewhiskey in the other.

"...and so next time, I think if she asks you to pet the dog, for the love of God, you pet the dog." Draco said seriously.

She nodded, just as seriously. "I think you're right," she mused, taking another swig.

It took a while for Pansy to convince herself that she should approach that mess and bring it back to Hogwarts, and another while before she could convince _Draco_ of that. The stench of him was ridiculous. He also seemed to be slightly delirious, and waved energetically to the old lady as Pansy pulled him towards Hogwarts.

"What is wrong with you?" she demanded. Was this because of Potter? Surely not.

Draco wasn't listening to her. "I need some shit." He babbled. "And who's going to buy me some shit? You."

The passerby froze, confused by Malfoy's pointing finger.

"Me?" he asked nervously.

"Yes, go get me some shit." Draco repeated slowly, as if the man was a dunce.

Pansy impatiently waved the onlooker away. He scurried off quickly, looking relieved. Malfoy was outraged at the betrayal. "You!" he shouted after the stranger. "I will kill your family!"

She bent down to his ear as she hurriedly carted him away. "What are you doing?" she hissed.

"Trying to get help. Give me something," he moaned suddenly. "My head's killing me."

"No. This is not Burger King. You cannot have it your way."

Draco scowled. "I asked you for dope, not a fucking burger." He thought it over. "How about a drink then?"

"_No_."

"Ahhh… but I'm tired, and I need a martini."

"Oh, aren't you classy. I thought you had a headache? And I _know _that some of that firewhiskey was yours. Another binge fest?"

"What? No I haven't. It was just the one!" he amended, quailing under her glare.

Pansy wrinkled her nose. "Then why do you already smell like alcohol?"

"Because it's Tuesday." He grinned, eyes unfocused.

Pansy made a noise that somehow managed to convey disgust, humor and skepticism all at once. "Actually, it's Wednesday. You know, I can't believe how high your tolerance is. I have three brothers and they wouldn't be able to down the alcohol you have between them."

He nodded sagely. "You should make them drink their way to tolerance."

"Like that worked out so great for you." Pansy rolled her eyes, "And tolerance isn't what you have. Muggles call it a disorder."

"What? No I don't." He pouted. "I'm perfectly normal. I am a social drinker."

"Oh yeah?" Pansy smirked. "So how about that time you downed that entire bottle of tequila?"

"I wasn't thaaat drunk. High tolerance remember." He patted his stomach.

"This was before your 'high tolerance'. You were prancing around in the garden, singing with your house elf."

"Really? Huh." Pansy wouldn't lie about something like that, right? "Well, I must have been drunk when I did that."

"If you open your mouth again, I'll feed you your wand."

He shut up meekly, smiling to himself as she dragged him away.

* * *

Being four rather skilled magical beings, the four were feeling rather put out that they had no idea as to how they were going to leave this mess. Having spent almost five days wondering about the rainforest, Neville was feeling scared, Luna was going native, Ginny was tired and Ron never knew why he seemed to spend so much time sleeping. Though shelter, fire and water weren't a problem, they were running out of interesting options for food, and even a Point-Me spell wouldn't help if they didn't have a map.

"Bet it was Malfoy," Ron said savagely, crashing two flints against each other, "Cursed us all. Harry's probably breaking into the Slytherin common room now, force feeding the ferret poison until he coughs up what he's done to us."

Luna tilted one shoulder. "Well, I wouldn't call it _breaking_ in." She was making alterations to her hammock, like making it able to support a solid being.

"What do you mean?" Ginny asked absentmindedly, lounging on a low tree branch. She didn't really pay as much attention as Luna did when Ron started theorizing on whom to blame for their current situation.

"Well, Harry's been sneaking into the Slytherin common room for quite some time now." Luna said matter-of-factly.

"But _why_?" Neville's face was uncomprehending, his eyes fearful at the mere thought of descending to the Slytherins' lair.

"Where else could he meet up with Draco? They need the privacy, you know."

Luna looked up to see three pairs of round eyes staring at her.

"What did you say?" Ron choked.

She blinked, a half-smile on her face. "Oh, didn't you know?"


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer**: Harry Potter belongs to JKR, and is only allowed out to play with the plotbunny. Oh, and the population of New York City at large.

* * *

**- CHAPTER FOUR -**

Pansy had gotten Draco back to the common room, though had bumped into Flitwick in the corridors. She had a scary moment when the little professor hadn't believed that she was merely practicing a Confundus on him. Though now that they were in Draco's room, Pansy was seriously considering the idea of casting a Confundus on Draco and letting him loose in the common room. As a little punishment for him, and a little reward for herself.

Draco tottered to his bed, accidentally brushing the photo frame on his bed stand to the ground. He jumped when the glass shattered.

Pansy sighed, but made no move to draw her wand. "You always break things, without thinking." Like relationships.

"I can break whatever I want, because _I _canfix it!" Draco said petulantly.

Pansy glowered at him. "Aren't you arrogant?"

"It's only arrogance if you're wrong." He said proudly. "'N I'm _not_ wrong."

Hermione burst in. "So?"

Pansy shook her head, irritated. "Can I slap him _now_?"

"Violence is counterproductive." Hermione said firmly. She eyed Malfoy's drunken figure. "Though I'd say a few choice hexes wouldn't hurt in this situation."

"What? You just said it was counterproductive!" Malfoy objected.

"There're exceptions to every rule." She said coolly.

He glowered up at them. "And how did you get in here? How did you get into my room?"

Hermione and Pansy both ignored him. They had eerily similar expressions on their face. Bearing the brunt of those stares was akin to having a pair of gravely determined Death Eaters staring him down. They shared a knowing look.

"What?" Draco found that he was nervous. Pansy _and_ Granger?

"_You_ broke this." Pansy said.

"So _you_ fix it." Hermione finished.

He shuddered. "There's something serious wrong when you two are finishing each other's sentences."

"I'm serious, Draco," Pansy said.

"That's what's wrong about it," He glowered. Then he frowned at the ceiling.

Pansy motioned for Hermione to leave, a scowl replacing the impatience when the other girl hesitated. But Hermione left – she wasn't going to willingly make Malfoy her problem as well. As soon as the other girl left, Pansy rounded on Draco and drew her wand.

Draco scrambled to his feet when she sent him a sweet smile.

"Pansy, you love me, don't you?"

Her smile never faltered as she pointed her wand at his chest.

* * *

Ron was shaking his head, as though there was water in his ears. Neville looked a little lost, while Ginny's facial expression alternated madly between glee and horror. Luna nibbled on the end of a stalk of grass, watching her friends with vague interest.

"How do you know about this?" Ron finally managed to choke out.

Luna shrugged. "Oh, I was passing the dungeons and saw Harry slipping in. I just thought he was there for potions, but then he blushed and started stuttering so I got curious."

Ginny shook her head. Trust Harry to sign his own death warrant. "And?"

She smiled suddenly, looking around. "Oh, while he was stuttering, someone came out to see what was taking so long."

"Who was it?" Ron asked.

Ginny seemed to make peace with it, but sought comfort in the familiarity of insulting her brother. "Who else, Ron?" she snapped.

Luna nodded. "It was Draco Malfoy, quite topless." She sighed happily. "Quite yummy."

Ron looked rather sick. Neville just looked frightened.

* * *

"Harry? Harry, I want to talk to you."

Harry looked up blearily, and saw Hermione standing in front of him. "What is it?"

"Not in the library." She said in hushed tones, gesturing for him to follow her.

"Where then?" Harry sighed, following her reluctantly. He was annoyed. He had homework, it was annoying him. The only reason he was annoyed, really. It had nothing to do with the fact that Draco hadn't talked to him for two days.

"Transfiguration room."

"Why there?" he pestered her.

She didn't answer, but quickened her pace. Harry squinted suspiciously at her retreating back, and lengthened his stride to catch up to her. They found the door to the transfiguration room quite quickly, and Hermione pushed it open.

"Okay, what – _what_?"

Harry had walked in to find a blond figure hunched in the corner of the room.

"Do the right thing." Hermione suggested from behind him.

Before he could react, she leapt to the door and slammed it shut behind her. Harry rushed to it, but heard the mortifying click of the lock. He didn't try unlocking it. It was Hermione, for goodness sake. Instead, he rounded angrily on Draco.

"So."

Malfoy looked up, a sour expression on his face. "So. I have been sent on pain of death to apologize to you. Apparently I have hurt your oh so delicate feelings by telling you to shut up in the mornings."

"You suck, you know that?"

He nodded readily. "I do. You may want to specify who though."

Harry snorted. "Yes, you're very funny. The wit is killing me. Slimy git." He added under his breath.

"I heard that."

"No you didn't." Harry strode closer. "Is that your apology, really? After a girl beat you up, that was the best you could do?"

Malfoy looked up again, grey eyes darkening in anger. "All I ask is for you to let me sleep in the morning, and you nag like a grandmother. I personally don't think I have anything to apologise for."

"You never told me you weren't a morning person." Harry said quietly. He had reached the end of the table Malfoy was leaning against.

"Well, maybe you could've… I dunno, used your brain or something to figure it out?" Malfoy said snidely.

"Just like you could've actually told me instead of asking me to shut up all the time?"

Harry received a scathing look. "Did I hurt your feelings?"

"Yeah, something like that."

There was a pause. He looked up to see Malfoy trying to cover up his shock.

"What?"

He didn't say anything. Actually, he looked like he was struggling for words. The look on his face, Harry personally thought, was adorable. In two long strides he had hands on Draco's shoulders, and one more swing had him slammed up against the wall. Harry glimpsed Draco's mouth and eyes widened in surprise, before he lowered his mouth to the blond's neck and sucked enthusiastically. The next things to tumble out of Draco's mouth were eager groans.

As soon as Harry was sure Draco was enjoying his attentions very much (he was feeling a telltale poke on his thigh), he bit down on that sensitive skin. Hard enough to draw blood.

Draco's little sounds of pleasure shot up strangely into a strangled shriek. "_Fuck!_ Are you out of your mind? What the hell was that for?" He scrabbled at Harry's back, but he had already drawn away.

"Your punishment. And I accept your apology." Harry spat the bit of blood in his mouth onto the ground.

Malfoy snarled at him. "You're a sick, fou–"

"Now now, I just forgave you. Stop ruining it." Harry chided, slapping him lightly has he pulled Draco closer. Draco was stiff, but as time passed, he very slowly started relaxing. Sure, the crook in his neck stung, but he had some sort of tolerance for pain. Besides, the feel and smell of Harry was a lot nicer than the bite was hurting. Draco would never admit it to anyone, not even himself (not yet anyway), but he had missed… this. Hugging. Harry. Hugging Harry. Maybe.

"You called me a slimy git." Malfoy sulked into his shoulder.

Harry patted his head. "Stop taking everything so personally. I don't mean slimy in a bad way."

* * *

Hermione walked back to the library, muttering under her breath. Now that Harry and Malfoy's… relationship had been handled, she could turn her mind back to the more pressing issue.

It was surprising, really, that no teachers had sounded the alarm for four missing students. No, not surprising. Ridiculous. And _how_ four students, two of them comprising of Neville and Ronald Weasley, had managed to disappear so totally within Hogwarts wards, without _anybody_ noticing, was just… ridiculous! They couldn't have simply walked off the grounds, that was silly, and Hogwarts had wards against Disapparating. Secret passages? Unless it had been against their will, but who would want…?

"Granger?"

Hermione stopped in the middle of her step. Blaise was leaning back in his chair, looking at her from upside down. She altered her path and headed for the chair opposite him. She glanced distractedly at the titles he had in front of him as she passed his side of the table.

Glanced at, and then doubled back to pick up the book.

"Hey, what – keep my page!" Blaise protested.

"What is this?" she asked.

He shrugged, leaning back. "Hobby. Does it surprise you that other people like reading too?"

"No," she said slowly. "I'm actually asking why are you reading up on teleportation?"

Blaise shrugged again. "Well, after the vanishing cabinet… well, I got curious. Now give back my book."

Hermione held it out of his reach. "Have you actually experimented with this?" she asked. Something was clicking into place.

He suddenly looked very suspicious. "What makes you think I have?"

"Answer the question."

"If you answer mine."

Hermione scowled. "Ron, Ginny, Neville and Luna have gone missing. I'm suddenly thinking that I've discovered a good reason as to how."

He suddenly looked sheepish. "What? Weasley, Longbottom and Lovegood got caught up in it? Whoops. Didn't see that coming."

"_What did you do_?" Hermione almost shrieked.

"Calm down." He said, exasperated by her tempers. "I was just looking up getting them back. If you be so kind as to giving me back my book."

Hermione almost threw the tome at him. He caught it, before getting up.

"Where are you going?" she asked furiously.

"Need more space. Coming?"

She hurried after him. They went outside, behind the greenhouse.

"Why here?" she whispered.

"Because I think this is where they disappeared. It's why it's been taking such a long time to get them back, see. Weasley was meant to be in the Great Hall, but when I tried getting them back then nothing happened. I wasn't about to run all over Hogwarts looking for him."

"How did you find out it was here?"

"Magical hotspots, tracking residue trails, etcetera. Step back." He bent to the ground and started drawing lines in the dirt, creating a haphazard circle.

"What I don't get, is why you did it?" Hermione mused as she watched him work. "It was stupid idea." She added.

Blaise shrugged, drawing up the last diagram. As he closed the circle, it glowed blue, and then white. "I only really wanted to prank Weasley. He's such a pain in the arse. I didn't _really_ mean for the others to get involved."

She raised an eyebrow. "Oh _really_?"

"Really," he intoned solemnly.

The white glowed brighter, before it dimmed slightly to mark the outline of four figures. One of them was squatting, another was cross-legged, and the other two stood, arms raised defensively.

Hermione squinted. "Is that them?"

But Blaise was too busy laughing.

* * *

It had been a decidedly unhappy day. The humidity was making Ginny's hair resemble Hermione's, while Ron only ever opened his mouth to announce something he required. Neville had adopted the general appearance and behavior of a hamster; big eyes and twitched at every loud noise. Luna could not generally be found unless you called her name with a particular inflection in your voice.

And when everyone was in a decidedly bad mood, it had been decided that speaking was kept to a minimum.

Except for, "I really, really have to pee."

Ginny jumped at the opportunity to unleash her bad mood. "Go in the bushes, stop announcing it!"

"You won't look?" he asked nervously.

Ginny stared at him. "Ron, what in _God's name_ would make me want to look?"

He grinned sheepishly, before darting off a little ways into thicker underbrush. He undid his pants and squat down. Suddenly, a strange white light surrounded them, and he could hear Neville's alarmed cries behind him.

There was one second of horrifying dizziness, then a feeling of lurching to a stop. It wasn't until laughing reached his ears that Ron looked up.

And swore.

* * *

The big pickle over, the camping group and their new Slytherin counterparts had decided to go the Great Hall for some sorely missed food. But the morning post had come in, with headlines of particular interest. However, what had begun with a curious question, having been tampered with by Ron's misguided assumptions and Luna's untimely comments, quickly spun out of control.

"So she made a mistake." Luna shrugged.

"She's a pedophile!" Ron retorted.

"It was a big mistake?"

"It's that, or her mom didn't love her enough." Ron sniggered.

They all stared at him, a little flabbergasted.

"This is why I hexed him." Blaise muttered.

"Do you possess brain cells? The ability to think at all?" Ginny hissed furiously.

He looked at her blankly. Then it sunk in. Very slowly. "Oh," he finally said sheepishly, "Sorry."

The door flew open, and Draco and Harry fell through. They paused mid-laugh, noticing that everyone had rather tense, angry expressions. Draco cleared his throat. "I'm sorry, but what's going on?"

"Blaise's mum is a pedophile!" Ron shouted at him.

He snorted. Then choked, when he saw they were being serious. "You're being serious?"

Pansy sighed. "I think they are." She looked very bored with the conversation.

Blaise stood, looking fed up. "When exactly did you start growing enough brain cells to start contributing to conversations, Weasel?"

Ron stood up, just as furiously. "When the Prophet reported it!" he waved the accused newspaper in the air.

"The Prophet reported Ron's brain cells?" Harry asked, perplexed.

Blaise growled. "Well do you remember what else the Prophet's published? Does that mean Potter and Granger are an item? Is Potter as loony as that Ravenclaw girl? How about your family? Even your name's been dragged through the mud, _Weasley_."

Ron opened his mouth furiously.

And nothing came out.

They all waited, but Ron didn't seem to have anything else to say. Or so they thought. Ginny took the floor.

"Ron says thank you for bringing us back, and sorry for insulting your mum. I'm sure he'd love to tell you personally, but I just hexed him with a silencing spell so that he won't explode." She tugged him away, shrugging in response to Blaise's incredulous expression. "It's a Weasley sibling thing." She hedged.

Blaise rolled his eyes, sitting back down in disgust. "Whatever."

Harry peeked out from behind Draco's shoulder. "So, care to explain?"

Hermione volunteered to. "Blaise's mum just divorced another wizard. He was a lot younger, and I was explaining to Ron that people – Muggles – called people like her cougars. Then Ginny asked if cougar and pedophile meant the same thing and Ron didn't seem to be able to differentiate and... well. You caught the end of it."

The two nodded at once, allowed Ron's infinite stupid when it came to sexual references to tell the rest of the story.

"Maybe's he's just a bit sore from his little trek?" Harry offered.

Ron gestured furiously, then turned to Ginny and waved at her. Ginny inspected her nails. "What's that Ron? I can't hear you."

An owl flew by, and dropped a note onto Draco's head. He scowled at the bird, before picking up the small roll of parchment. "Father wants to talk to me. I'll be in the common room." He turned his head, nuzzling Harry's cheek, before stepping away.

Blaise screwed up his nose. "I don't think I'll ever be able to get used to that."

"Don't look," Pansy suggested seriously.

Ron nodded glumly. Ginny took pity on him, and took off the spell. He hadn't been looking up though, so didn't notice.

"By the way, Harry," Hermione said, "You said you wanted to go over that conjuring spell again. Do you want to do that after lunch?"

He frowned, remembering homework. Then he brightened. "Sure. Can Draco come? He's good at... teaching."

Hermione grimaced. "Okay, we can invite him too, but you have to remind him that pants are a requirement, not a mild suggestion. And that goes for you as well." She added sternly, spotting her loophole.

Harry nodded agreeably, though was very secretly disappointed. "Sure thing, Hermione." He turned to go after Malfoy.

"We're meeting in the Transfiguration room, but there's still blood in there from your last meeting." She griped after him. He waved back, which she interpreted as a sign of him going to clean it up. Because she sure wasn't going to touch it.

Ron looked confused. "Did Malfoy die?" He looked surprised when he found he could talk.

"No. Why would Harry… You just saw him!"

"Oh… I must have had that dream again. But why's the room bloody?"

"Well, when Malfoy and Harry were making up..." Hermione screwed her face up. "Okay, never mind. If you really want to know," she added as Ron opened his mouth, "Ask Harry."

"Tell me now," He pleaded.

"Weasley, get a clue." Pansy snapped.

"Soon, please?" Ginny patted his head.

Neville gave him an apologetic look.

Luna just smiled dreamily, and continued to pick petals out of Neville's hair.

**- FIN -**

* * *

**AN:** So we come to the final chapter (: THANK YOU for reading, and the very nice reviews, and I apologize in advance for the rather pathetic ending, AND for taking so very long. I don't know why that happened.

And I've just realised that FF has deleted all my seperated so all the different scenarios look like one huge block of text. Going back to fix that now...

A rather haphazardly written piece, but I had fun writing it anyway, hope you had as much fun reading! If anyone is interested in reading the prompts, I've uploaded the list. Can be found at i54. tinypic. com /juye6d. png (remove the spaces).


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